So I wanted to write this post for a couple of reasons… Reason one is that I want you guys to be able to get to know me a on a little bit deeper level. I also wanted to share my stories with others. I feel that sharing some of the challenges I have faced with mental health could possibly help others out of whatever mental struggle they are going through, or even just make somebody feel less alone in their struggles.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember.
When I was younger, my anxiety was really bad. I remember not wanting to do things that kids normally want to do for fear of things that might happen.
In second grade, I would not go to school. You couldn’t have paid me to go to school. It ended up getting so bad that the police had to get involved because I wasn’t attending school. My parents tried their best to get me to go to school, but most of the time, they couldn’t force me to go.
At the time, I was confused about everything. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I was young and I couldn’t explain anything to anyone. For a while, my parents couldn’t figure it out either.
Eventually, my parents decided to take me to see a therapist. I think I was about 7 years old. She was amazing, I honestly looked up to her because I knew she was there to help me. In the end, she really did help me through a lot of things when I was young and even as I got a little older. The coping skills that she gave me for my anxiety have stuck with me to this day. I still use them from time to time.
Things slowly got a little better with time. I started willingly going to school until 5th grade, when I hit a bump in the road and stopped going to school…again.
However, this time it seemed like more than anxiety. I remember feeling down all the time, along with my anxiety. I ended up attending a school where I could get my schoolwork done and have therapy sessions. The school was a good thing for me. I kind of hated it at the time, but looking back it helped me a lot. I was able to go back to school and things went well for quite a while.
Horses helped me cope with my anxiety more than many people would imagine. I had to conquer a bunch of fears when I was riding. I was scared of what might happen. But riding horses taught me that you can’t always be worried about what could happen. I learned that you should be more focused on the good stuff that could happen rather than the things that might go wrong.
In 10th grade, I fell into a slump. I dont know exactly what triggered the fall, all that I know is how it felt. It’s hard to put into words exactly what it feels like to be so upset for no good reason.
It felt like everything was dark all the time. I had zero motivation to do anything… even things I loved to do, like riding horses. I stopped taking care of myself because it was so hard to get out of bed on a daily basis. Naturally, I quit going to school. I just sat in bed all day long. I did many things during this time that I am not proud of, but I came out a stronger person than I was when I went in.
One day, I talked myself into getting out of bed to take a shower. I told myself that I didn’t want to be sad anymore. I had a long conversation with myself about how to get myself out of it. When I got out of the shower, I felt a bit better than I did before I got in the shower. At that point, I decided that I just needed to talk myself out of it. So, I did just that. Then, I picked myself up and dusted myself off and I actually got through it.
Today, I am doing much better. I am blooming, if you will. I am happy on a daily basis. I have hard days sometimes, but everybody does.
I actually ended up dropping out of high school and started attending an alternative school where I can get my diploma. I am seriously considering just getting my GED at this point.
Like I said, I came out of it a stronger person than I was when I began. All of this shaped me into the positive person I am today.
If you have any questions or want to share your stories with me, please feel free to leave a comment!